Ryan's Easter surprise

If there is one thing to say about the rollercoaster of emotion that comes with being an English sports fan, life is never dull. Once one reaches that exhilarating peak of short-term triumph, or the prospect of the next big-born-and-bred Englishman who has just hit the scene, it is always going to do downhill. So put on your safety strap because this is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.

On Saturday night, a celebratory day of anomaly sandwiched between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I probably should have had something better to do that flicking through the channels to decide upon a crumbling England first innings as the source of my late evening entertainment. The first thing I saw was Stuart Broad, hyped for this all-round ability that is so desperately needed in a batting tail these days, depressingly prodding at the first ball of the day to precipitate another quick-fire batting collapse that followers of the Barmy Army are only too keen to expect.

Yet it would not be an English Easter without a sporting resurrection of Christ’s own proportions. Apt perhaps that at the forefront of this was a man all too familiar with the red-petalous flower in sport, was ready to wear it on his heart for county and give all the ticker of an English Rose. Just as Jesus rose from the dead, so too did a long-haired man praised in his vicinity unexpectedly give onlookers what they least expected. Cue the fightback that makes life as an English fan worth living.

All of a sudden, two England collapses in one innings looked favourable compared to the one-man demolition job Ryan Sidebottom was about to do to New Zealand. The Nottinghamshire man gave a bowling display that took the home side from 103-1 to 168 all-out. His performance, rather like a mentally-unstable workman given free-reign on a JCB for a few hours, returned figures of 7-47. He’s no Messiah, but seemed to have the miraculous touch only heard of in folk law.

What began as a depressingly familiar downward spiral of English characteristic, without warning I was as content as the Easter Bunny planning his relaxation schedule for the rest of the year. The feeling of satisfaction felt in the face of adversity is perhaps the greatest of all.

But perspective is needed. Tonight’s performance will probably leave us gorging on chocolate eggs in an act of self-loathing initiated by the next twist in the story of the ever-unknowing English fan.